Influencer or Influenced
Hello friends! It's TK again. Today, I'm writing to let y'all in on a little social media cleanse I did this month. Warning: it's about to get real personal.
Social media can really impact a person. I think that if you aren't influencing someone, you're being influenced. Here recently, I have found myself only being influenced and not being able to influence anyone.
I have felt worthless and invisible. I walk past people at school and no one even looks up. No one smiles back or even knows my name. I am not use to this, at all. It drives me crazy. I began feeling like I didn't matter. I started becoming more engaged in social media because likes= acceptance and comments=compliments. (wordly appraisal= bad)
I felt like my followers and friends on social media knew me, but really they didn't know how I felt, so they couldn't help me. I tried reading books and surrounding myself with friends, but that didn't make my loneliness go away. Social media started controlling how I felt about myself which led to a road of sorrow and beating myself up because I didn't get a lot of likes or I didn't look as pretty as so and so.
So after watching this amazing video with my bible study girls
(Seriously, even if you've seen it watch it again.)
and listening to Sadie Robertson's podcast, Whoa That's Good with Rebekah Lyons, I knew that deleting social media was the best option for me.
On October 7th, I deleted all of my social media accounts
(minus when my bestie got engaged, i had to comment on her pic lol)
Disclaimer: This is not another story about how everyone should delete social media.
Deleting social media helped me realize a few things about my life. Before I go any further, I think social media is such a cool thing that truly is growing more and more. I didn't always have social media so I feel like I kind of grew as social media grew, but it is definitely growing faster than me.
Well gang, let's get started with 4 ways deleting social media helped me, be me!
1. Time.
I had more time for the little things I wanted to do, but never did. For example, I read more blogs and emails. I had more time to call the people I don't see everyday like my grandparents, my momma, and my best friends. I focused on things that were important to me and not what others thought were important. Just because it's Fall or Halloween doesn't mean you have to go to haunted houses or watch scary movies. (I just don't like those things, but I always did them. Literally the worst!) You can do exactly what you love doing.
2. Creativity.
I became more creative. Before I deleted social media, anytime I was getting ready I would get my outfit ideas from someone I saw on Pinterest, and if I didn't have that exact outfit I got frustrated and just didn't even want to go. My makeup inspiration came from a vlogger with name brand makeup so when my drug store brand wouldn't look exactly the same i would think "ugh I'm not as pretty as ____" or "I'll never look like ___" This was so unhealthy for me. (Vanity y'all= no good)
I wasn't seeing God's masterpiece. I was saying how God created wasn't enough. By deleting social media, it allowed me to get ready for each day freely without comparing myself to anyone which led me to being mentally healthier and happier.
3. Happiness.
I was happier with my life after 5 days of not using social media. I felt like myself again and not some girl who had to impress everyone judging my posts. I am who I wanna be. I found my voice again.
Sometimes I would scroll through social media and sit and dream of all the things I wanted to do like travel or be an influencer/youtuber. But instead of sitting around dreaming about it, I needed to pay attention to the world that exist. It's much easier to dream up an idea instead of actually doing it. I realized that my dreams weren't really mine, they were just what I thought was cool. When I deleted social media. I focused a lot on what I truly wanted, not just doing things that were "brag-worthy." It makes me happy to know I don't have to have a certain life set out for me.
4. Mindset. (This is a big one y'all!!)
I got so caught up in social media, my mindset revolved around it. If i was going somewhere I tried to find something artsy to do just for a picture. I wanted to eat at a cool place just for the picture and before long, everything was just for the picture because "pics or it didn't happen right."
Once I deleted social media, I still did the same activities.
For example, my friends wanted to go take pictures at a pumpkin patch so I went. I still had my picture taken knowing I wouldn't post it anywhere. And because I knew no one else would see it, I wasn't obsessing over the right outfit or my hair being perfect or my pose being photogenic. I simply took the picture how I wanted and did what made me happy.
Before I met my friends for pictures, I didn't get on Pinterest to find a picture/outfit/pose of some "perfect" girl which set me up for failure. I didn't look at an influencer's instagram to get a cute idea to mimic instead of having my own creativity.
Taking pictures and doing something I love without using social media made the experience much more enjoyable for me. I was happier with the picture because I didn't have an expectation of something unrealistic.
Here's one pic from that day. >>>
Here is a list of all activities I did that felt different doing when I didn't depend on social media:
- getting my nails done
- going to a pumpkin patch
- going on a road trip to Birmingham
- pictures in a sunflower field
- being alone
- taking a bath
Altogether, I feel less stressed because I don't have a million little things going through the back of my mind. I don't feel like I need new clothes all the time because I realize I like wearing the clothes I have. I know that the activity I'm doing is exactly what I wanna be doing and not what everyone else is doing. I stopped comparing myself to other people. I am so much happier with only 3 weeks off social media.
Social media can have a positive or negative effect on us, but it is up to us how we use and how we let it affect us. So, are you being an influencer or influenced?
-TK