God's Path or Your Path

The semester is finally over and I have had time to reflect. This semester was one of the hardest and absolute busiest. I had so many challenges to overcome that I thought I could never do. This semester was also my first time to not have a job since I was 16. At first, I felt guilty over not having a job. I thought because I didn't have one I was more dependent and unreliable. I didn't like telling people I wasn't working because I didn't want them to think I was just another college kid relying on daddy's money.

From lecture to lecture, I heard my classmates talking about not studying for the test they were about to take or they were going home to nap. Hearing that made me want to go home and nap, too or spend time with my roommates rather than study, but that's just not me. I am the type to always study. I have always had to study. Even in high school when "nobody" studied, I most certainly did. But if someone asked if I studied I would say, "Nah not really." I am also not a nap taker. Don't get me wrong, I totally take naps but only when I have nothing else to do.

For some reason this semester, I was comparing myself to everyone else's life on campus. If someone was going home to nap, I wanted to. If someone was going to the baseball game before studying, I wanted to. It isn't just this side of the spectrum that affected me. When I would meet a friend who got up earlier than me I felt like I wasn't doing enough. When a classmate started studying earlier than me I felt like I was slacking. I was living a constant battle with myself debating if I was good enough or if I wasn't. Some days I felt like a great student, sister, or daughter, but other days I felt worthless or not good enough. This constant battle wasn't healthy.

One day at church, there was a sermon on finding confidence in the Lord. I listened and felt so much better and challenged. I was ready to conquer the next week. Then, the week didn't go my way and I fell back into shaming myself. My boyfriend finally told me, "Taylor, this is unhealthy. You have to stop doing this," He sent me scripture to lookup and study everyday. I have always shamed myself and compared my life to others, but I never realized if affected the people around me.

I finally turned to God like I should have a long time ago. I turned to His word for guidance. I asked Him for help because this problem was too big for Taylor to handle.

Psalm 16 opened my eyes, verse 11 says, "You reveal the path of life to me; in your presence is abundant joy; in your right hand are eternal pleasures." Why should I worry about my life compared to others? They're simply at a different part of the path that Jesus laid for them.

God gives each of us unique circumstances in every part of life. 2 Corinthians 5:13, "For if we are out of our mind, it is for God; if we have a sound mind, it is for you." We should never crave a 'sound mind' to be like everyone else. I was so worried about my life compared to theirs instead of focusing on where I am on my path and doing each task for God's glory.

Psalm 118:8 is a verse that really helped me, "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man." In any situation we can trust that God will protect and teach us. Everything we do should be for God's glory. If it is different than everyone else, great it should be. We are all different and all used in our own way for Jesus. Each path is different for a reason. In any circumstance, find your hope in the Lord and do what He calls you to do.

-TK