Your Story Matters

If you're reading this you probably have read a few of my past post, but I never explained who I really am. God has been laying on my heart to share my testimony with you guys so I'll get over my anxiety and obey Him.

I always thought my testimony was lame and boring so I never wanted to share it with anyone. I was never this awful, horrible person who no one ever thought would be saved. I grew up in a sweet, loving Baptist family. My grandparents took me to church regularly and to vacation bible school in the summers. I was taught to love and trust the Lord.

One Sunday morning my family was getting ready for church and my momma told me my older sister was getting baptized. I was only 12 or 13. I thought, "Hmmph. I wanna be baptized, too." I always wanted to be like my older sister. I pestered her every day when we were growing up. ( i probably still do) My momma told me I had to be saved to get baptized and I said, "yep, I am." So, easy as that I was baptized with my sister. On the morning of our baptism, my grandparents who lived about an hour away came to the service. I was shocked and still didn't understand why really. My nanny gave me a big girl bible with my name on it, at the time was so confused. I knew I had done something wrong, but I just wasn't sure why it was wrong.

Later down the road, after many years of hearing, "if you want to be saved, pray this.." I would pray it just to make sure I was saved, but that was never enough. I didn't know if I was saved or not. I wanted a written approval just to be sure. I was finally, truly saved my sophomore year of college. Almost eight years I wondered around Earth just rolling through the motions of the Christian lifestyle because I "had" to.

From the time I was a senior in high school, I could really see and feel God working in my life. I was old enough to understand everything and drive myself to church now. I never got involved with my home church growing up because I didn't go consistently so I thought I wasn't a part of a church family. I thought people would think, "well look who decided to show up today." I hated that feeling and wanted to change it. So, I started going more and meeting everyone. I finally made friends and had people to talk to and pray with. My sister and I even started teaching a Sunday School class, which I adored so much. The funny part is I didn't sign up to teach them, I was just given the role and told to do it. It turned out to be another cool way God was lining up my life. I know I impacted my class, but they impacted me so much more. On the Sundays I didn't even wanna get out of bed, my class was my motivation. They brightened "Ms. Tay's" day and helped me have a fresh start every week. I may have been the teacher, but they were teaching me.

Before all of this happened with my church, God was putting in over time on me. I was in school at Itawamba Community College. (greatest school on Earth, btw) I was a freshman looking for a great college experience. I made friends who talked about the BSU, Baptist Student Union. They all seemed to be so close and one big family. I was invited there many times, but I didn't go until my sophomore year. One of my sweet friends led girls bible study so, just for her I went to check it out. I was so nervous to walk through those doors, but when I did they welcomed me with open arms. Not just one person but everyone was wanting to know my name and just really get to know me. I remember wanting to cry I felt so happy. My first girls bible study was nothing short of amazing. I listened to my friends talk about every day problems and use God's word as a solution. Over the semester, I grew so close to many of the girls. I learned their struggles, which happened to be the same as mine. We helped each other every day. I talked about Jesus on campus with these girls and because of them I grew closer and closer to God. Never before had I had the feeling of wanting to shout about Jesus. All I wanted to do was tell everyone I saw how awesome He is.

Let's pause there and go back to church. At this time my preacher resigned. We had many guest preachers and I didn't miss a Sunday during this time because I knew God wanted me to be there to hear our potential preacher. One particular Sunday my parents came with me to church. We had one guest preacher who was young. I was so nervous for the guy because we have a lot of old folks in our church and I didn't know what in the world they would say. He began preaching and I was so engaged I couldn't even take notes. My heart started pounding and I was sweating like a you know what in church. At that oh so sweet moment my heart and soul was redeemed. I wanted to stand up and shout, "I'M SAVED, Y'ALL I'M FINALLY SAVED!" I started crying and I leaned over and grabbed my momma and said, "Momma, I've been saved." She looked at me and just grinned her precious smile. My poor daddy probably didn't know what to think. This day was the best day of my entire life. Then, I remembered I won't ever see this preacher again. BUT, one Sunday he came back to preach again and boy was I pumped. My daddy and I happened to go to church that night, (which we NEVER do) and that night just so happened to be the night the church was voting for the new preacher. I told daddy my thoughts and we talked a little about it. Once again, God is so cool and lined this up perfectly. The church voted and the guest preacher that spoke when I was saved became our new preacher. I cried when I got home because God is just so amazing. (i cry a lot) I didn't always see him working, but he was surely setting my life up the way He wanted.

Fast forward to a year later, my life had been pretty steady, I was loving it, being on Jesus' side. I definitely made mistakes, felt guilt like no other and had horrible days, but Jesus was there to pick me up. He was there for me to turn to for help. Towards the end of my sophomore year I was strengthening my relationship with God. We talked all the time, but there was one thing holding me back. I prayed and prayed for a change. Whatever God's will be, I wanted it. I knew what I needed to do, but I ignored it and tried to handle it Taylor's way. I talked to my friends about it and seeked advice, but they all told me what i already knew. After month's of praying, I got what I prayed for and it tore me apart in every way possible. At the time, I didn't understand why. I questioned Him why?! I wanted answers I knew I would never get. Some days I would get so mad at God. I veered away from Him. I began to be the girl I never wanted to be. I even stopped going to church every Sunday. I made bad choices that led to lying to my friends and family. I was in the i-don't-give-a-rip mood all the time. I always felt like I was alone, but I never was. My best friends and family were there the whole step of the way.

After three months of nasty self pity, things began to change. I couldn't handle my life anymore. I had abandoned the only person who could help me, God. I was so lost and scattered so, I reached out for Him again. I feel to my knees and cried out for Him and He was there reaching back for me. Forgiving me, loving me, accepting me just as I am.

I started school this year at the University of Mississippi. I have built new relationships with people with God as the foundation. I struggle every day and I will for the rest of my life and that's ok because struggles lead to growth and maturity in my faith, what more could I want than to be closer to Jesus, right?

Walking across campus, I see so many broken and lost people. So many people want to be saved but are scared to let go of their life just as I was. We have to allow God to work in us so that He can work through us.

God wanted me to start this blog a long time ago, but I didn't becasue I was scared. I knew I wasn't worthy or qualified because I'm not perfect nor do I know everything I should. But God would not let me sleep. I couldn't get it off my mind. So, I obeyed.

People from my past are not going to stop me. Sins from my past are not going to haunt me.

If you don't get anything else from this post, I hope you at least get to always trust Him and allow Him to be in control. Your story matters and others can benefit from you sharing your story. Never degrade God's work.

-TK